nihilism & consciousness.
(please proceed to take the following with a grain of salt. these are not an accurate reflection of my beliefs. just condensed observations of the struggle with self actualization)

Nihilistic routing...
- consciousness brings forth suffering. it is consciousness that serves as the foundation of existential dread.
- enter the observation of existence -> recognition of mortality. 
- recognition of mortality ->ultimatum of rejection and self delusion vs acceptance and nihilism.
- take: life is ultimately meaningless. goals and values serve as sweet nothings to instill the proposition that makes living worthwhile.
- minimization of consciousness to detach from the deadly consequences of self actualization follows as:

ISOLATION: Conspiracy of Silence (Hermit)
ANCHORING: Metaphysical & Institutional "Verities" (God, Morality, Natural Law, Country, Family)
DISTRACTION"Better to kill time than kill oneself"
SUBLIMATION: Sublimating fears by presenting them for display. Escapism through artistic simulation.

 there is a lack of substantial evidence that concludes that there is only a void to be greeted as life ceases.
- consciousness provides the realization of self will. the ability to do as you please. consciousness is your tool for debate and deduction. it is our reminder that we may

will be continued....

i hope you still hold onto the things you hold dear.. 
i put a blanket over these observations with a belief in spirituality and reincarnation. fulfilling your "purpose" (to assume we may have one) to end this chain of suffering. 
i do not want to be reborn.... but if i do.. i hope to enjoy the next lifetime..